HAPPY NATIONAL LIBRARY WEEK! Jokes all around

As ALA celebrates the 50th anniversary of National Library Week, my own office is celebrating me- their librarian! Such a great surprise. I feel all warm and fuzzy. Part of the celebration includes an onslaught of library and librarian themed cartoons, experiences, and jokes. I'm sure half of these jokes were pilfered from someone else's blog, so please excuse me for lifting them. Then again, some are just so bad, I imagine they were dreamed up on the spot.

So, without further ado...


What does a library book wear whenever it leaves the building?
A pager.

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Why did the librarian slip and fall on the library floor?
Because she was in the non-friction section.

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I was waiting in line to check out some books at the library desk. Ahead of me a teenager stood empty-handed, shifting his weight from one slim, tightly clad hip to the other. The librarian looked at him enquiringly. "I want a play by Shakespeare," the youth blurted out. The librarian, suppressing a smile, asked gently, "Which one?" The young man shifted his hips again, ruffed up his hair with one hand, cupped his chin between thumb and forefinger of the other, all the while frowning in concentration. Finally, he raised his head and looked at the librarian. "William," he replied triumphantly.

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Knock knock.
Who's there?
Clothes on.
Clothes on who?
The Library's clothes on Thanksgiving,
but we'll be open again on Friday!

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Why did the vampire check out a drawing book?
He wanted to learn how to draw blood.

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Librarian: Knock knock.
Student: Who's there?
Librarian: Winnie.
Student: Winnie who?
Librarian: Winnie you going to bring back that overdue book, hmm?

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Patron: "I am looking for a globe of the earth."
Librarian: "We have a table-top model over here."
Patron: "No, that's not good enough. Don't you have a life-size?"
Librarian: (pause) "Yes, but it's in use right now."

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Patron: How many reference librarians does it take to change a light-bulb?
Librarian: Well, I don't know right off-hand, but I know where we can look it up!

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A blonde walks into a library and shouts ''I'LL HAVE A HAMBURGER A COKE AND SOME FRIES.''
The librarian says, ''This is a Library.''

The blonde says, ''Yes I know. I'LL HAVE A HAMBURGER A COKE AND FRIES.'' And the librarian says, one more time, ''This is a library Miss''

The blonde goes ''Oh,'' and whispers, '' I'll have a hamburger a coke and fries!"

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And one limerick:

There is a librarian named Molly,
Whose devotion to books was her folly,
A stack fell on her head,
She was safe, and not dead,
But she sure saw some stars, by golly!